If you've ever been told 'yer bum's oot the windae' or told you have a face 'like a well skelped erse', then you'll know us Scots love nothing more than a well crafted insult.
From the modern 'Yer Da sells Avon' to the traditional 'away an bile yer heid', here are some of the best Scottish insults.
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Names - insults you would call people
Eejit/Bampot/Numpty/Tube/Dafty - The Scots don't suffer fools gladly and as a result there are numerous words for idiot in the Scottish vocabulary.
"See him, he's a bloody eejit."
Bawbag - A new favourite for many, it literally means scrotum, but has grown to encompass much more than that.
"That guy Davey is a total Bawbag."
Dobber / Fud/Walloper/Tadger - These four are pretty interchangeable. Various forms of words for genitals, they are usually used as a way to describe people who are annoying.
"I canny be arsed with him, he's being a tadger."
Rocket/Nugget/Dafty/Roaster/Melt - Another raft of expressions for people you'd happily avoid if you could.
"That bird's a rocket, she's tuned to the moon."
Lavvy heid - (Toilet head) somebody who is full of crap.
"Don't believe a word that comes out of lavvy heid's gub."
Clipe - someone who is known to grass people up.
"What you looking so smug for? You're just as bad ya wee clipe."
Boot/Cow - usually aimed at women in a derogatory way.
"See her, she's a nosey cow."
Jobby - Scots word for sh*t.
"Why does someone not know how to flush the toilet after they've done a jobby? Disgusting!"
Phrases
You're doing my nut in - (You're doing my head in) A way to tell someone they are annoying you. Combine with some of the insults above for a more devastating effect.
"See you ya numpty, you're doing my nut in with all of these questions.
Shut yer puss - (shut your face) - usually aimed at someone who is being loud.
"Will you shut yer puss, I'm trying to listen to what the guy is saying."
Yer bums oot the windae - You're talking nonsense.
Away an bile yer heid - (Away and boil your head) Beat it.
"Och, away an bile yer heaid pal."
Face like a well skelped erse/like bulldog licking piss off a nettle/Yiv a face like a skelpit erse (doric) - They are ugly.
"Why do you fancy him? He's got a face like a well skelped erse."
Yer a riddy - You're embarrassing.
"Are you actually going out like that? That's a pure riddy."
Bolt - Get to.
"Bolt ya dafty."
Yer awfy crabbit - You're awfully grumpy.
"Jeez, she's awfy crabbit this mornin."
You're humming - You smell bad or smell of smell of something.
That is bogging/hoaching - Usually refers to something that is bad.
"I like him but his patter is hoaching."
He's glaikit - Someone that is foolish, or thoughtless.
Yer aff yer heid - You're crazy. Usually aimed at someone who is always coming up with silly ideas.
"You honestly think that will work? You're aff your heid."
Ye canna mak a silk purse oot o’ a sow’s ear (doric) - Make-up isn't going to hide that face.
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