The tumultuous and tragic life of Kellie Pickler: Singer's mother abandoned her when she was two

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). SNEED ROAD, NASHVILLE: Kellie Pickler's husband, Kyle Jacobs was found dead at the age of 49 from a self-inflicted gunshot wound on Friday, February 17, at the couple's home in Nashville. He was a Country singer-songwriter and

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

SNEED ROAD, NASHVILLE: Kellie Pickler's husband, Kyle Jacobs was found dead at the age of 49 from a self-inflicted gunshot wound on Friday, February 17, at the couple's home in Nashville. He was a Country singer-songwriter and the couple got married in 2011.

"Officers and Nashville Fire Department personnel responded and located resident Kyle Jacobs, 49, deceased from an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound in an upstairs bedroom/office. His death is being investigated as an apparent suicide," an official statement read. However, this is not the first time that Pickler has gone through such a devastating loss. 

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How was Kellie Pickler's relationship with her mother?

Pickler reportedly said that she does not have a great relationship with her mother, Cynthia Morton. She told the New York Post, “I remember my mother and I were in the kitchen and I said, ‘I wish God would take me away, I’d much rather be dead than live here with you.’ She took a knife out, set it on the counter, and said, ‘Here, do it then.’ I was in fourth grade. Of course I would never have acted upon it, but it’s done a lot of emotional scarring.” She also reportedly said that her mother abandoned her when she was only two and was taken care of by her grandparents until she was five. 

Pickler said in an interview with People, "When I was two, my mother left me. I remember going to different prisons with my grandparents to visit my father on weekends. My father did a lot of stupid things, but when I lived with him, I never had to do without. It didn’t matter what he had to do, he’d make sure I went to bed with food in my stomach. When he was sober, he was a good person. I was so excited when he was released from prison. It’s hard for someone to come out of prison with no job, no money, nobody, and I tried to help him . . . but it backfired. We didn’t talk for a long time, and then he got locked up again. I last saw him in jail a year ago. He said he was sorry. And I thought, 'Wow, here we go again.'"

She continued, "I was lonely and depressed. I fell off the face of the earth and buried myself in work. Taylor Swift was one of the only people who knew what I was going through. I was a basket case. I was polished for the cameras, but in my dressing room, I’d crumble." 

The singer added, "If she had said, 'I was not the mom I should have been,' or 'Kellie, I’m sorry,' that’s all I wanted. I’m a forgiving person. It’s not that I don’t want her in my life. It kills me not to. I’ve never come off stage and had my mom or dad say, 'That was so amazing!' But now I accept the things I cannot change: I’ll never have a relationship with her or the relationship with my father that I want. You need to grieve, be hurt and angry, and cry. Then you got to get over it. I have a long list of blessings on my refrigerator: 'Thank you God for my health, my friends, sunshine—and sunglasses!'”

How did Kellie Pickler deal with depression? 

Explaining her arduous battle with depression, Pickler told People, "I was miserable. I was on anti-depressant pills when I started touring with Brad Paisley in April. The first couple months, I could tell a difference, but they made me a zombie. Then I hit rock bottom: The pills were making me crazy. I had to quit. The CMAs were right after I’d gone off the pills, so my body still needed them. I was an emotional wreck. Then 10 minutes before I went onstage, I got a call saying my mom was on TV. I hadn’t seen her in years. I felt like, 'Tonight I’m good enough?' It really hurt. My hands shook all during the song. Then I lost it." 

How did Kellie Pickler lose her grandmother?

Pickler, who was raised by her grandparents, considered her grandmother her mother and her death dealt a brutal blow to the singer. "My grandmother, Faye Pickler, she's the one that raised me and the woman I called mom. She was diagnosed with lung cancer back in Jan 2002 and she died the very next day, she died the very next morning," Pickler told ABC, adding, "It was very sudden, there's no way to prepare for that."

Pickler continued, "The generation of women she grew up with didn't know the long-term effects smoking would cause, she was a smoker and she was only 66 when she passed away. I was shocked to find out, you don't even have to be a smoker to be diagnosed with lung cancer." The heartbroken singer posted a tribute to her grandmother on Mother's day in 2017. The post read, "Happy Mother's Day to the woman I call mom..Grandmama Faye, not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Miss you and love you dearly. #MyAngel." 

When she performed at the third National GrandRally on Capitol Hill, she said, "Hey everybody!, I have been very blessed, God has given me so much. My grandparents are the best thing that ever happened to me. It's sad that your grandparents don't get the credit you deserve. You guys rock!" She added, "It was the most stability I ever had. It was really hard for them, because most elderly people, they've already raised kids, they're ready to retire, and they only draw a certain amount of income per year. My grandmother wasn't able to work. She was disabled [with severe rheumatoid arthritis and gout]. She just wasn't very healthy. Medical bills and prescription drugs and the house and utilities and– everything adds up. My grandpa never really officially got to retire. He had to work jobs on the side. But I never had to do without." 

Continuing, she said, "I knew I could go to my grandma with anything in the world. Whether I'd done something bad or good or whatever, I could go and tell her. I think it's about having that friendship."

Pickler added, "It's important that you have a solid relationship. My grandma was my best friend, and I think it's all about having that communication with each other to understand what the other's going through. I know it was a little bit of a struggle for my grandparents. Because they wanted me to be happy, but still, they wanted me to be good. We always had a line of communication. You have to so you know what the other one's thinking and going through with their feelings."

Pickler also noted, "My grandpa, every time I talk to him, he still tells me when I get off the phone with him, he's like– " she stops to catch her breath from laughter, playfully deepening her voice to imitate him, 'Be a good girl. Be good,'" per AARP.

How was Kellie Pickler's equation with her father? 

The 'American Idol' star's father, Clyde Pickler Jr, was in and out of jail. He was reportedly deemed a fugitive after violating his probation by traveling to North Carolina without telling his parole officer. He was in the Florida State Prison for for three years and nine months, beginning in 2003, for aggravated assault and battery in connection with a stabbing incident. However, the singer had great equation with her father. As per Daily Mail, she said, "He spent a lot of time teaching me how to fend for myself. I know how to survive and make something from nothing and he taught me how to do that." Pickler also wrote a song about him titled 'The Letter to Daddy.'

Pickler has made it clear that Clyde had inspired her and she had always been a "daddy's girl." In an interview with Rolling Stones, she said, "People have a perception and opinion of him and his past, but my dad inspired me in so many ways. I’ve always been a daddy’s girl. He was never not a part of my life."

Pickler continued, “He loved me and took care of me the best as he could. Every time the mail came, my daddy had written me a letter. I have them all — every single letter he’s ever written me since I was a kid."

Pickler added, "I never thought he wasn’t a good person. He has struggled with his own demons and I think we all have demons. Everyone’s demon is different. My dad’s just happens to be alcohol and drugs," per Xfinity.

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